- Yada Yada

Today's post will probably be a mishmash of miscellaneous meaningless meandering mumblings. Mmmm.

Okay, here's a skill testing question. Examine the following photograph very closely and see if you can determine the identity of the subject in question:

For those of you who guessed "Timmy", you're absolutely right!

When I've finished blogging here, I will break the news to him that, alas, his brilliant disguise was unsuccessful.

So today was a stay-at-home-and-grieve kind of day. I was at the hospital every day this week, and it's been quite rushed; I haven't had the time to process all the information I was given, some of which was pretty discouraging and - well, bad - so instead of trying to outrun the emotions, I decided to stay home and let everything have its effect on me.

Remember Alan Alda in M*A*S*H? He was the smart-mouthed doctor who hated the war and detested being in Korea, yet always had a wisecrack and a humorous spin for absolutely every circumstance.

While in one way, it's admirable to do that, I so don't want to be him. Alda's character Hawkeye used humor to suppress his rage. He dealt with horrible situations using his comedy, but it was often a sarcastic, embittered kind of humor that, while entertaining, could be really tiring after awhile, since it was so obviously contrived.

I love comedy. I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh, but I don't want it to become a cover-up for true emotions. It's just not healthy.

I want my humor to be a sweetener, not Aspertame. In otherwords, real - not fake.

And so today, I let it all hang out by crying on and off all day. I will continue to do so tomorrow, and even Sunday, too, until it's all out of my system and I'm ready to face Monday's marathon of the echocardiogram, blood tests and chemo.

Just as an aside: you know, I've been thinking: aside from my two surgeries, the pain and discomfort which followed, a sarcastic, burnt-out, crabby nurse in the Recovery Room, several sleepless nights, the relentless volume of doctors' appointments and the hassles of finding parking closer than 3 kms from the hospital....

...the upcoming nausea and possible vomiting plus the onset of menopause as a result of the chemo (plus the experience I'll have of every hair on my body falling out - eww); some plastic surgery on my mastectomy scar next year to improve its appearance followed by radiation to nuke any lingering cancer cells near the surface...

...a surgery to remove my one remaining ovary as a preventative measure against ovarian cancer (I found out this week I'm probably at risk for that); the loss of employment income and the occasional fear that inevitably accompanies a potentially life-threatening disease...

I've been thinking that, aside from all that, having cancer isn't that bad!

Hahahahahaaaaa! That's a joke!

Oh, dear - was that an Alan Alda / Hawkeye kind of joke? Or was that a regular, happy, Wendy kind of joke?

Never mind - tonight, I don't care. Today I am experiencing a kind of grieving, but tomorrow, or maybe the next day, I will be back to my regular self (whatever that is - ha!). Millions of women have gone through this, and it's not the end of the world - it's just "a new normal".

I was discussing 'anger with God' with a friend today. While I can understand how people react in anger towards God, I am not angry at God. He did not give me cancer, and I do not expect him to protect me from every single thing afflicting society.

I have seen His protection on a few occasions, sparing me from certain dangers (ask me about the guy who ran into me & my motorcycle in 1979), but if I must go through something, then go through I will, and He will be with me every step of the way.

Okay - on to another topic! Have you ever seen Nora the Cat? Nora is an internet sensation, with tons of hits on her YouTube videos:

And not only does Nora play solo - she also performs with the symphony orchestra!



Well, that's all from me - have a wonderful weekend, and take care of yourselves.   xoxoxo