- No Knickers In A Twist (Down In the River To Pray)

My life has been very busy lately! The Jewish General Hospital has a wonderful department called Hope and Cope which offers its cancer patients lots of cool programs, and I'm running around finding out about all of them! I've signed up for several.

There's a beautiful house owned by the hospital called the Wellness Center where many of the Hope and Cope programs are offered. Yesterday, I started a 4-session program  there called "Coping: Learning Skills to Meet the Challenge", led by a lovely lady named Sonia. All programs are led by volunteers who are either cancer survivors or were caregivers at one time to someone with cancer.

The Wellness Center

In yesterday morning's session, we learned about how coping is really dependent on good problem-solving skills, and we discussed some of the ingredients of good problem solving. I'll share more about the course content another day.  Honestly, this type of course should be a part of every high school curriculum...the information is so practical, and absolutely everyone could benefit from it, not just individuals experiencing a serious illness.

After this session at the Wellness Center, I zipped over to the hospital to get the rest of my clips removed from the incision of the second surgery. I'm thankful this procedure isn't painful, even though it sounds pretty gross. After that, it was home for a 2 hour nap. Guess I'm not *quite* back to normal.

This morning, I went back to the Wellness Center to officially register - I hadn't gotten around to doing that yet - so now I can sign up to meet with their Dietitian, Nutritionist, and Fitness Trainer. The Wellness Center also has a small gym where I can work out a bit with the trainer. And it's all free! See, there are perks to just about everything in life - even sickness! Ha!

I heard back this week from my surgeon's secretary - she called to tell me that my final pathology report results are in. Eeeek. For those of you who haven't been following this breathtaking blog of mine every day: following my bilateral mastectomy on September 15th, I had a second surgery October 20th to remove more lymph nodes, since one of the two nodes they'd previously removed turned out to be positive for cancer.

So now I'm going back to the hospital this Thursday morning to find out just how many nodes were removed in this past surgery, and how many of them, if any, were positive. See how busy this whole experience is keeping me?

My first reaction to the news about my latest pathology report - my gut reaction - is apprehension. The next year of my life - and in a way, the rest of my life - kind of hinges on this meeting Thursday morning. My doctor will tell me if the cancer from my breast had begun to spread into my lymph nodes or not. We'll discuss chemo treatments, and I'm supposing he'll book me for a PET scan - that's a procedure where your whole body is scanned for other tumors. So that's all a little disconcerting.

But honestly, my next reaction - my conscious reaction - was to get ahold of myself and tell myself that I am refusing to fear the prognosis. Whatever will be, will be, and that's it. I can't afford to "get my knickers in a twist", as the British say. Can't afford to worry, or to imagine the worst, or even to lie awake at night. That's not the kind of reaction I want to live with, and so I'm deciding that I'm just not going to be anxious about it.

The other program I registered for is a support group for newly diagnosed breast cancers. There are six meetings in all - I've attended two, missed two, and there are two left. There are thirteen of us in this meeting, all in various stages of breast cancer. I've promised them that before the group wraps up, I will definitely share some of my boobie jokes with them.

Finally, I'm registered for Look Good...Feel Better, "a free, non-medical, brand-neutral, national public service program created to help individuals with cancer look good, improve their self-esteem, and manage their treatment and recovery with greater confidence." Basically, it's a one-time session designed for women going through chemotherapy...we get one-on-one time with cosmeticians who will teach us how to apply makeup and still look sexy during chemo. 

Breast cancer patients receiving chemo are almost certain to lose their hair, so that's another thing I'm gearing up for. Two or three years ago, I happened to buy a wig just for fun but I never really wore it much, and it went into the bottom drawer. Now I'll have a good excuse, and I'm looking forward to it - it's longer than my real hair and it makes me look pretty hot!

Here's a sneak preview:

Can't wait to hear what people are gonna say!

Down In the River To Pray    Sung by Alison Krauss

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O sisters let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
O sisters let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O brothers let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
Come on brothers let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O fathers let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
O fathers let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O mothers let's go down,
Let's go down, don't you want to go down,
Come on mothers let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O sinners let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
O sinners let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way!