Friday, October 23, 2009

- Mad World

Well, today was a pretty blah day, but that's okay. Am torn between putting more effort into getting out and just succumbing to the desire to lay around doing nothing and basically sleeping off the painkiller I took yesterday.

My right side is more stiff than sore, and if it gets really painful, I've got the pain meds, although I've only taken one since being discharged Tuesday evening. I'd probably drive my car if I had an automatic, but since I drive a standard shift, it's not possible, so I'm staying put until next week.

Today I came across this while reading: "My life is an example to many, because You have been my strength and protection."  Psalm 71, verse 7. Reading that verse got me thinking today about the whole area of belief, faith, and things invisible. As I've said before, I've been really touched by the encouragement I've received from many of you, particularly the comments you've made about my strength, my attitude, and my cheerfulness in all of this ordeal. To be honest, I've been kind of amazed, too.

Socrates maintained that public discussion of the great issues of life and virtue is a necessary part of any valuable human life. "The unexamined life is not worth living," he said. Hmm, how cool...I wonder if I'm a little bit like Socrates, since I am the Queen of Self-Examination.

For example, I've been pondering lately the reasons why I believe, why I feel so strong and optimistic, etc. Like everyone, I suppose, I get questions running through my mind; questions about life, and the supernatural and so on; questions like:

- How can logical people have faith in something or someone invisible?

- How can people gain strength, courage, and hope from someone who cannot be seen, or whose existence cannot be proven, nor whose truths cannot be scientifically quantified or tested?

- How can anyone be expected to place unwavering faith in a being whose character cannot be actively demonstrated?

Wow, what great questions! (yawn) Well, good night! Gotta run!

Just kidding. Those questions were simply served up to whet your appetite. I will now attempt to answer these and many other stupendous questions in the next two or three paragraphs. Ha ha ha! Not even remotely likely.

Those of you who already know me know that I am a person of faith. You know that when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had sold most of my possessions and had given up an apartment I absolutely loved. I was one week away from flying to a missions training center, ready to begin a new phase of my life.

And yet, this health thing hasn't shaken my faith in the slightest. It hasn't caused me to question God, nor to shake my fist in the air, crying "why me-e-e-ee?!?!?!?" It has not caused me to throw my Bible against the wall nor out the window. And I did not get rid of my favorite wooden cross necklace as a sign that I was officially on strike from believing in Him.

Actually, my test of faith started a couple of years ago, and it involved some of the questions listed above, rather than any specific crisis or circumstance. Although I had been an active believer for thirty years or so, I had started to doubt some of the core beliefs upon which I had based my life. And it was very unnerving.

At times, I questioned my sanity at ever having put my faith in a God I couldn't see; a God whom so many others around me were so sure does not exist. And I wondered if I was going to still be a follower of Christ by the time the following year arrived.

At that point of my life, walking through that valley of the shadows, pondering all the mysterious unknowns associated with faith systems and religions, somehow, walking away seemed to be the most rational  and logical thing to do.

It seemed so tempting....why not simply exchange my belief in one God for a belief of everything in general and nothing in particular? And so I pondered, and I reasoned. I wrestled with the possibility that it was all fake, and that everything I trusted in was just....well, silly, foolish and imaginary.

And yet, in the end, I chose to continue believing. I chose to continue exercising my faith in God; chose still to trust the invisible.

Was I crazy? Deceived? In need of a crutch? We believers get these accusations thrown our way all the time, believe me - sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes not....

Ah, well....this is a huge topic, and I'm out of steam. It's past midnight and my incision area is tingling and asking me to please go and lie down so it can....I don't know....untingle?

Before I go, I'll leave you with this song, "Mad World". I love Gary Jules' interpretation of's haunting and sad and poignant. And the subject of the song, that this world is a sad and painful place, is one of the important reasons I ultimately decided two years ago that it was rational to continue believing in the unseen, and in the unknown.

But more about that another day....

Mad World    Michael Andrews and Gary Jules

All around are me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very,
Mad world, Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
May they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very
Mad world, Mad world
Mad world, Mad world

1 comment:

  1. Great video and GREAT cover of this song! Thanks for posting it. :)