- I Gotta Feeling (Today's Gonna Be a Good Day)

Well, here we go - the doctor's office phoned today and told me to come in tomorrow at 8:30 am. My post-surgical pathology report is finally in. Tomorrow morning I find out if I'll need chemo and if so, for how long. Should be interesting.

One of the ways I deal with this whole thing is to talk about it a lot with whoever will listen....it's just how I'm wired (that reads "wired", not "weird" - ha!). I read a magazine article the other day about people who hide their serious illnesses from bosses, colleagues and even many of their friends. Some had sadly learned the hard way that others began avoiding them when they began sharing about their illnesses.

Those who had been diagnosed with serious diseases were also concerned about being let go from their jobs, or passed over for promotions if their supervisors realized they were sick, and so they learned to hide it. I totally understand that. Being ill puts you in a very vulnerable situation, and not everyone wants the world to know their story.

Of course, it's totally not my situation. Everyone who knows me knows that if I've got something on my mind, it's gonna come out! Anytime, anywhere! I'm a very transparent person, and generally speaking, I am generally speaking! Ha!

So of course, anyone I meet these days finds out within 5 minutes that I have cancer. The mechanic at Mr. Muffler (today, when I got my winter tires put on - ugh!), the cashier at Tim Horton's, the waitress at Chenoy's.....I'm not picky....I'll tell anyone who'll listen. It's how I cope with stuff. When I hear myself say it  over and over, it becomes real to me; more 'normal'. If I keep it inside, it'll wreck me.

Plus, it's a great way of being the center of attention, don't you think? People like me who love the stage can always find ways to create a stage wherever we go. Think of our surroundings as a portable stage. Movable. And very convenient! (Stay where you are...we'll bring our show to you!)

And that's how I came to be discussing my diagnosis with the salesgirl in the shoe store. I mean, it's not like we're strangers - we'd be talking for 5 minutes or more by the time I brought it up, so by then she was more like an old friend, if you know what I mean (er, it's okay, I don't even know what I mean). Her name is Anna and she's from the Ukraine.

When I mentioned it was breast cancer I'd been diagnosed with, she exclaimed, "What is it about women in this country getting so much breast cancer?!?!?" Exactly. What on earth is up with that? Anna had not seen that in Ukraine before she moved here eight years ago.

Last night, in my group for newly diagnosed breast cancer patients, we briefly discussed the phenomenon of cancer in North America. I mean, it's just not normal. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, and hardly ANYONE back then got cancer (or divorced either...but that's another story). I mean, it's beyond weird.

And it doesn't seem to matter whether you take good care of your body or not. I'm sure there are things you can do to help yourself stay healthy, but in the end, it does seem pretty random (I have a posting back in September entitled "Fear", so if this statement makes you feel afraid, maybe you should go back and read it right now).

Also in the group last night, we kicked around the fact that most women in the newly diagnosed breast cancer groups at the Jewish General Hospital are Caucasian. I've asked my friends who are of West Indian descent to think about their community, and they've told me they see more high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. But not a whole lot of cancer....that seems to be a 'white people' specialty.

Imagine if each one of us in Canada (35 million) throws out ONE pair of shoes per year. Not shoes we give away to Value Village or Salvation Army or whatever, but shoes we throw away. Think of the incredible landfill from 35 million pairs of shoes. Where does all that rubber and leather and plastic and chemical stew go? Into the ground. Overwhelming thought.

Well, we've got our modern, first world culture, and it would seem that we're stuck with it. We worked hard to get here, and now we're trying hard to get other third world cultures up to speed so they can be just like us! Hmm. Scary thought.

We've got every single blessed thing we buy wrapped in plastic (even our water comes in plastic!) We've got foods full of chemicals and hormones. We've got chemicals packaged as food but it isn't food, and we live in houses full of chemicals.

And if the medical powers that be decide tomorrow that I need chemo, I will  soon begin to get my (very likely) chemically-induced cancer treated with chemicals!

I think I'll move to Africa. I can get shots for malaria.

Well, just for fun, and on a completely different note: this is a "Flash Mob Dance" that Oprah's crew lined up with the Black Eyed Peas (that's a music group, not a food) to surprise Oprah for her 24th season opener.

She seems pretty surprised! It's so much fun! 20,000 people dancing in unison...awesome! And no matter what happens, I gotta feeling that today's gonna be a good day!

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